


Decision

by Philomena85



Category: Alex Verus Series - Benedict Jacka
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, Hard Decision, Missing Scene, Other, Part 4: Chosen, Trauma, self-defense in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 05:16:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18793747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Philomena85/pseuds/Philomena85
Summary: Alex tries to decide what to do with Will and the Nightstalkers. Remembering his past doesn't make it easier. Set after Alex' talk to Variam and Arachne, the night before the battle against the Nightstalkers.





	Decision

Too tired to care about comfort I went off into one of the tunnels in Arachne's lair and crouched down on the floor, my back leant against the wall. 

For the first time in my life Arachne's lair didn't feel like the save haven it used to be; right now, I had the overwhelming feeling of being buried alive. If I did what Anne expected me to, I would never be able to walk the streets of my beloved city again without that strong sense of paranoia that started to possess my thoughts the day I discovered Lee spying on me from the rooftop. I knew I'd be spending the rest of my life checking the futures 24/7 whatever I did and wherever I went - just like I did for years after I managed to escape Richard. Back then, I nearly went insane, being so terrified and alone. If it hadn't been for Arachne and – later on – Luna, I don't think I'd ever been able to get back to normal ever again. A few years ago I had only started to walk the streets in broad daylight without the constant fear of being killed – now I owned a shop and spent my time with people I could call my best friends. And to be honest, I wasn't willing to lose all this.

What I planned to do tomorrow would be some kind of self-defence in advance, not much different from what I did to Tobruk. The difference was that Will had some good reasons to want me dead. Although I didn't kill his sister myself, it had been me who lured the other apprentices to their hiding place. But how long would I have to pay for this? After all the nasty things I went through, didn't I deserve to be happy someday? Bearing this in mind, I finally fell asleep.

*

When I woke up my heart was racing. My back hurt from sleeping on the cold stone floor for several weeks now and in lack of a blanket I was freezing, but I knew too well that this wouldn't be the worst problem I had to face in the next hours – Tobruk was on his way and from what I could see scanning through the possible futures, he was grinning like a madman. I felt my blood run cold and crouched in the far end of my cell, as far away from the door as possible. I always tried to hide my fear when he came for me, but this time there was a perfectly clear vision of him throwing a ball of fire in my direction the very second he entered the cell. I dodged away and heard him laugh while he walked across the small room, bending over me so his nose nearly touched my face. He opened his right hand and summoned a bright orange flame, bringing it close to my head, where it burned my earlobe and set a strand of hair on fire, before I managed to extinguish the flames. 

“So it's burning my skin this time?”, I asked, working up the courage to speak out to him. 

“You prefer being cared for the way Catherine is?”

I knew he wouldn't touch me that way, him not being interested in male victims, but I could see his anger rising, accompanied by fantasies of multiple methods of tormenting me. Again he went for his fire magic and again I dodged away, wondering why the decision had taken him so long this time. I used my powers to check what he might come up with next – and froze. Now I knew why Tobruk had been hesitating when he started to hurt me with his magic – Richard had told him not to cause permanent damage when visiting me. He needed me alive and healthy – more or less. If he lost his precious diviner just because of his apprentice's cruelty, punishment would be the inevitable consequence for said apprentice. For me, it wasn't much of a relief, the worst case being locked up here for the rest of my life, tortured by Tobruk until Richard found someone with abilities similar to mine he could use. There was only one way to avoid a fate like this – I had to kill Tobruk and escape Richard although it seemed quite clear that I had to get out of my cell first. 

Tobruk started another attempt with his fire magic and I knew that this time it was going to hurt.

*

I woke up uttering a stifled cry, not sure where I was and why I was lying on the floor instead of being in my bedroom in Camden. It took me quite a moment to realise that this wasn't my old cell in Richard's mansion but a tunnel beneath Hampstead Heath, my friend Arachne only a few feet away. So the nightmares had started to haunt me all over again...I wondered if Anne knew about the impact of my past on my current life. And if she did – would she still want me to experience the same fear all over again just because of Will being so unforgiving when it came to my part leading to his sister's death? 

I tried to remember her reaction when I told her, Luna, Variam and Sonder about the reasons I killed Tobruk – even then she had been resentful as to me finishing off the guy who tortured me on a regular basis for almost a year just for his own amusement and who would never have stopped if I hadn't forced him by taking his life.

Getting rid of Will almost certainly meant losing Anne – but I couldn't see any other way to solve this problem and neither did Variam. It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make in my whole life – and I still hope that it has been the right one.


End file.
